You are in:
Home: Radio Broadcasts
The Girl Next Door  

The Girl Next Door was first broadcast on BBC Radio 4 on 5 May 1999        

sfx:                                Opening music

sfx:                                birds singing in background

Bristow                          yawns Oh this is the life. To wake the sound of birdsong and know that it is Saturday morning and have that wonderful feeling of relief flooding all over me yawns I think I’ll lie here all day yawns lie here and let my sleep-drugged brain bask like a whale luxuriating in the deep waters of the…

sfx:                                train in distance

Bristow                          …Holy mackerel! It’s Monday

sfx:                                Opening music resumes

Announcer:                     Bristow by Frank Dickens. With Michael Williams as Bristow, Rodney Bewes as Jones and Dora Bryan as Mrs. Purdy. The Girl Next Door

sfx:                                Music fades out

sfx;                                Typewriter noises in background

Bristow (VO)                 What’s it like working as a buying clerk at Chester-Perry’s? Have you ever had a tooth pulled without an anaesthetic? Have you ever tumbled down a mountainside, striking rocks and boulders as you fell, and sustained sharp cuts and serious bruising? Have you ever had wedges of wood hammered under your finger nails? That’s what it’s like working at Chester-Perry’s. Up until tea-break. Then it gets progressively worse.

sfx:                                Footsteps approach. Door opens

Man                               Bristow

sfx                                 bundle of papers dropped on desk

Bristow                          Morning.

Bristow (VO)                 I’m only joking of course. It’s not a bad firm. And let’s face it, the management are pretty free and easy. We can come in any time before nine and leave any time after five. But I’ve got them where I want them. Because I’m writing an expose of Big Business to warn children about the sort of problems they face when they leave school to join the rat race. For example, a lot of young people when they start their first job take it too seriously. They take their work home with them. Wrong!. You’ve got to learn to close the door behind you. It takes time to realise this. It doesn’t happen overnight, and you’re forever learning. Let’s take a look at last week – from the top

Sf:                                 Outdoor sounds. Train doors slam from time to time

Bristow                          Good morning station-master

Station-master                Ymmm

Bristow                          It’s a funny thing. I was thinking about you the other day

Station-master                Ummm?

Bristow                          Strange isn’t it that if I were to meet you somewhere else and you were out of uniform I wouldn’t recognise you, even though I’ve seen you every working day for the past seven years. That is a total of one thousand three hundred and fifty five times. Don’t you find that strange?

Station-master                I do indeed sir but considering you’ve said exactly the same thing to me on each and every one of the one thousand three hundred and fifty five occasions to which you refer I find it not only strange but positively weird. And now if you’ll excuse me I have a station to run.

Bristow                          You run it, do you? Trains are still on the agenda – the thing that Stevenson had in mind all those years ago – getting people from A to B – you still do that sort of thing? It’s actually run? You surprise me! I didn’t realise it was run. Quietly I’ve always thought it was frozen in time

sfx:                                link music

Bristow                          There it is – the Chester-Perry building. A miracle of modern construction. It took an army of workmen two years to build that place. Just give me a pickaxe, twenty four hours and a demolition order

sfx:                                Door opens – footsteps in an interior

sfx:                                music picks up underneath sound of footsteps

Bristow (VO)                 Wrong kind of music for a start. Ought to be something like the death march

sfx:                                Music slows down and becomes mournful. Sounds of a lift

Bristow                          That’s more like it. I’ve only been in the building twenty five seconds and already its fed up to the back teeth time

sfx:                                Lift stops. Door opens

Bristow                          Stand aside Jones. Any place I hang my hat is home

Jones                             Er, don’t Bristow – the window’s open…

sfx:                                sound of a bowler hat flying through the open window

Jones                             …too late. It’ll have landed in the gutter

Bristow                          Windows are not supposed to be open until June the third…I say! Look at this Jones!

Jones                             Bristow, come away, somebody might see you

Bristow                          Jones there’s a new girl in the office across the street!

Jones                             Don’t be ridiculous. You’re only saying that to get me to…Good Heavens. Wowee. How about that

Bristow                          Steady on. You’re drooling all over the window sill

Jones                             Oogh. Is my tie straight? I should have worn my best suit

Bristow                          Jones – you’re a married man

Jones                             Er..what makes you say that?

Bristow                          You mean you’re not?

Jones                             I’m not saying I’m not – what makes you say I am

Bristow                          Well I always assumed..I hadn’t really given the matter a great.. when a crowd of us came round to your place to play cards one night you turned someone’s photograph to the wall

Jones                             That doesn’t mean I’m married. Could have been anyone. Could have been my mother. Could have been a relative. Which photograph was it?

Bristow                          I don’t know. You turned it to face the wall the minute the cards came out. Here let me think – someone with glasses

Jones                             Lots of people have got glasses. Oh, isn’t she a beaut

Bristow                          Jones, calm down. Stand back. Let me close the window

Jones                             through gritted teeth Leave the window alone! I want it open. All right?

Bristow (VO)                 I’d never heard that note in Jones’ man before. He sounded almost human for a second. And it set me thinking. Although we’d been working in the same office for seven years, we never really knew much about each other. We were still comparative strangers – touch wood – and the only thing we had in common was the job. I decided – and this is where I made my first mistake, take heed young wannabe – to get to know more about him

Bristow                          Isn’t it funny how other offices always seem much better than your own? That place over there seems almost friendly. Sort of place you can walk into without that knife-between-the-shoulder-blades feeling you get when you walk in here. And look at those flowers. How long since you’ve seen flowers in an office?

Jones                             mad poetic voice Her eyes are the blue of the dainty cornflower. Her dress the hue of the nodding violet. Her lips the colour of the wild rose

Bristow                          Keep your voice down or we’ll have Fudge coming out. Crimson the colour of his angry face. Yellow the streak that runs down our backs. But look at those cakes. Why don’t we get cakes like that? Jam doughnuts. Cream slices. Coconut macaroons. And cherry tarts. Cor, curses – there goes the one I fancy. Dah –come away from the window Jones, people will be starting to talk

Jones                             man back to normal Bristow it’s not what you’re thinking. I’m standing here because its interesting. What do you think all those people do out there. Why aren’t they stuck in a stuffy office like us? How come they are all walking the streets when we are chained to our desks?

Bristow                          Ah isn’t it obvious? They’re all millionaire playboys

Jones                             They can’t all be millionaire playboys

Bristow                          Not all of them. Most of them. The others are lottery winners buying furniture

Jones                             Hello – there’s Sir Reginald Chester-Perry’s car pulling up outside. And - our beloved firm’s founder is being set down. My word he has aged. His face is lined with worry

Bristow                          Worry? You think a multi-millionaire business tycoon worries? Those are laughter lines.

Jones                             That means the canteen will be laying on something special today. Shall we eat there?

Bristow                          Not likely. They put the prices up when he eats here.

Jones                             You mean you’re barred again

Bristow                          Barred? Who’s barred?

sfx                                 phone is dialled

Bristow                          Canteen? What gastronomic feast are you offering today? My name is Bristow. B – R – I – S – T – O W. B for braised beef. R for rabbit pie, I for Irish stew, S for sausage, T for toad (as in toad in the ‘ole) and W for …wiener schnitzel. I’d like to know what’s on the menu today. How dare you! And the same to you with knobs of butter on. Tchah!

sfx                                 phone replaced

Bristow                          Damn sauce!

Jones                             So it’s the park. Did you bring sandwiches?

Bristow                          No.  We can always eat berries. We’ve done it before when we had the trouble with the accounts department.

Jones                             But that was in the winter, when there were berries about. Hold it, problem solved, its raining out there.

Bristow                          It can’t be. It was sunshine a minute ago. Is there a rainbow?

Jones                             Sure is.

Bristow                          Let me see that – there’s supposed to be a crock of gold where the rainbow ends. Good Heavens it’s true. It finishes up outside accounts. Sigh canteen it is.

Jones                             If you can get in that is.

Bristow                          I can get in if I really want to. Just means I have to wear a mask. I’ll make one out of these invoices.

sfx:                                Link music

sfx:                                Canteen noises

Jones                             Bristow we must be stupid eating in the firm’s canteen. We’re just giving them back the money we work for. In fact they make a profit out of us. A chef like Mr Gordon Blue doesn’t come cheap.

Bristow                          And the fact that he can experiment with the food the way he does leaves a nasty taste in the mouth…every day.

Buxton                           Can I take your order – oh hello Mr Jones long time no see.

Jones                             Hello Mrs Buxton. The truth is we’ve been eating in the park of late but now that the weather’s changed we’ve decided to come back here, return of the prodigal as it were. laughs

Buxton                           Fatted calf’s off.

Jones                             Oh. What have you got?

Buxton                           Tender chunks of specially selected Scottish beef cooked in rich thick gravy in golden feather-light pastry accompanied by crisp golden french-fried potatos.

Bristow                          Meat pie and chips twice. I like the new crockery. Elegant. Willow pattern isn’t it?

Buxton                           Sort of. Picture tells a story anyway. Two employees sneaking out early over a hump-backed bridge with Sir Reginald in hot pursuit.

Bristow                          And I like the way the knives and forks are chained to the side of the plates.

Jones                             Where do the Myles and Rudge people go for lunch?

Bristow                          Oh forget it Jones. A looker like her probably goes to a swish restaurant with one of the directors.

Jones                             Shan’t be a moment.

Bristow                          For heaven’s sake sit down. You’re making an exhibition of yourself.

sfx:                                link music

Bristow (VO)                 Next morning I got in early. I could tell the cleaning ladies had been hard at work. My seat was still warm and the end of my pencil had been chewed. Jones was standing by the window.

sfx:                                typing and other office noises. Door opens.

Bristow                          What’s the matter? Couldn’t you sleep?

Jones                             I was just watching the world out there come to life, as it were. A kaleidoscope of colour and movement. Milkmen making their deliveries, postmen hurrying from door to door with their heavy sacks, the comings and goings of the cleaning staff, late night revellers making their way home. Fascinating, wonderful inspiring, brings out the poet in me

Bristow                          It doesn’t show. Is Fudge in?

Jones                             Oh he’s in all right and already had a go at Hewitt. He asked Hewitt to do something and Hewitt answered back

Bristow                          Tch..Hewitt answered back?

Jones                             Well he didn’t exactly answer back. He just didn’t say ‘yes sir’ quick enough.

Bristow                          Fatal. Where the devil is Mrs Purdy the tea lady?

Jones                             Methinks I hear her Winnebago, e’en as we speak.

sfx:                                tea trolley clatters in

Purdy                             Tea up. Wet and warm and plenty of hard bake. Morning Mr Jones, lovely day.

Jones                             Oh is it? I wouldn’t know. Weather to me is just something on the other side of the window.

Purdy                             Talking of windows look at that. There’s a new girl working across the road. Suit you alright eh Mr Jones. creaky laugh

Jones                             Ha ha.

Bristow                          Morning Mrs Purdy. What comestibles have you on board today?

Purdy                             Oogh get you. Comestibles eh? Swallowed a dictionary have you?

Bristow                          Have you any of your home-made, light-as-a-feather fairy cakes?

Purdy                             I thought you didn’t like my home-made, light-as-a-feather fairy cakes?

Bristow                          What are you talking about? Finest paperweights in the business.

Jones                             Your coconut macaroons look nice.

Purdy                             Are nice.

Bristow                          I think I’ll take of those. How much are they?

Purdy                             25p.

Bristow                          25p!!

Purdy                             Sorry Mr Bristow. The price of coconut’s gone up.Revolution in the country or something.

Bristow                          Isn’t it marvellous? Every single solitary action, man-made or otherwise, far or near, that happens on the face of this earth hits me in the pocket.

Jones                             I’ll have a nice cup of hot tea.

Bristow                          You’ll have it like the rest of us – served at room temperature. I’ll have a weakish Darjeeling with a sliver of lemon, a whisper of sugar served in a white china cup, shaken not stirred.

Purdy                             Coming up. Stand back.

sfx:                                Gush of tea

Bristow                          Holy mackerel.

Jones                             How long have you been here Mrs Purdy?

Purdy                             Twelve years.

Jones                             No.

Bristow                          Tch – Twelve years man and boy eh. And how many cups of [unintelligible] tea have you served up in that time

Purdy                             Thousands. Hundreds and thousands

Bristow                          And what’s the secret?

Purdy                             Trial and error. Stand back

sfx:                                gush of tea

Bristow                          Tcha, huff, eyahh I’m soaked. Pass me one of those invoices Jones. Tea doesn’t stain, does it?

Jones                             Mrs Purdy’s does. She puts something in it specially.

Sunman                          Morning Mr Bristow. Morning Mr Jones, morning Mrs Purdy. Oh look there’s a new girl started in the office across the road. Suit you Mr Jones – you’ll have no time for the girls here now. Hmm nice dress, wonder where she got that from?

Purdy                             Marks and Spencer’s are doing them. My daughter’s got one exactly the same.

Bristow                          Ladies please you are at work.

Purdy                             She won’t be there long.

Jones                             What makes you say that?

Purdy                             She’s too attractive. Lookers never last long. They join a firm, they cause a lot of trouble and leave. My daughter does it all the time.

Jones                             Takes after her mother does she?

                                      Jones and Purdy share a knowing laugh

Bristow (VO)                 As you can tell Jones is suddenly on top of his form. That girl over there has got him going. We won’t get any more work from him today.

                                      On the Wednesday I arrived to find Miss Sunman and Jones both standing by the window.

Sunman                          She’s not all that attractive

Jones                             I don’t know. I don’t know really I don’t. Look at all the men round her. I wish she worked here.

Sunman                          Oh, Mr Jones, you’re a married man.

Jones                             Who told you that?

Sunman                          Er, Mr Bristow said that when he came round to play cards at your place…

Jones                             I know I know he saw me turn a photograph to the wall.

Sunman                          Glasses

Jones                             I know all about the glasses. I’m sick of hearing about the glasses. How many more people are you going to tell. I’m surprised you haven’t got anything better to do

sfx:                                Door slams

Sunman                          Mr Bristow I wonder whether you’d mind listening to some of your dictation. I can’t make head nor tail of it.

Bristow                          Fire away

Sunman                          clears throat Re your letter of the 14th. What a lot of nonsense. What rubbish. What drivel. What a waste of time money and materials. What a shambles, what rot, what bunkum what piffle. What does it mean, Mr Bristow?

Bristow                          It means I left the machine on when I was skimming through the bumper spring number of the House Journal.

Sunman                          But that was the golden anniversary number. Two hundred issues. I think it’s marvellous.

Bristow                          Marvellous? I think its incredible. Considering each issue is worse than the last I’d say it’s a downright miracle.

Sunman                          You’re only saying that because your name wasn’t in it.

Bristow                          That’s the only way they can get people to read it, by filling it with names. After all it’s a human weakness wanting to see your name in print. Personally I think anyone who’s never been mentioned ought to go down in the firm’s Roll of Honour.

Sunman                          If you feel like that -  why are you carrying a copy in your pocket?

Bristow                          For your information I’m going to lunch in the park – and judging by the amount of rain that fell during the night the seat may be damp

Sunman                          Assuming I can sort out this letter how many copies do you want?

Bristow                          Six! please

Sunman                          Six? You want six copies…?

Bristow                          Miss Sunman I hate repeating myself.

Sunman                          Right you are Mr Bristow.

sfx:                                Door shuts. Beep on telephone

Mary                              Yes?

Bristow                          Get me Mr Williams of Davis Pearce.

Mary                              coy What do you say?

Bristow                          Mary, don’t mess about. Mr Williams, please!

sfx:                                dialling tone

Bored girl                       Hold the line please

sfx:                                a little tune on the phone

Bored girl                       Hello.

Bristow                          Mr Williams please

Bored girl                       Hold the line

sfx                                 dialling tone

1st Man                          Hello?

Bristow                          Mr Williams?

1st Man                          Oh no they’ve put you through to the wrong office by mistake. Hold the line

sfx                                 a little tune on the phone

Bored girl                       Hello.

Bristow                          You put me through to …

sfx                                 disconnected tone

Bristow                          …Hello! Miss? Miss!!. Big defeated sigh

sfx                                 beep on telephone

Mary                              Yes?

Bristow                          Mary could you please get me Huline Management?

sfx                                 dialling tone

Recording                      This is Huline Management. If you know the extension you want please press it now. Alternatively follow these instructions. For production press one. For finance press two for development press three..

Bristow                          groans as he waits

Recording                      …for publicity press four for transport press five for general purposes press six.

Bristow                          Gotcha. Six it is!

Recording                      Please hold the line

sfx:                                a little tune on the phone

Recording                      Welcome to Huline Management general purposes. If you have an enquiry on general services press one if you have an enquiry on a specific purpose press two

Bristow                          Got it. Two it is!

sfx:                                another little tune

Recording                      Welcome to specific purposes. Hold the line please. If you wish to speak to Jonathan Chievely press one. If you wish to speak to Freddie Pilkington press two. Alternatively hold the line.

sfx                                 disconnected tone

Bristow                          Hello? Hello! Exasparated groan

sfx                                 Phone is hung up

Bristow                          Letter to Messrs Curwen and company. Dear Sirs our order number DB392 was urged by us on the twentieth ultimo but no reply has been received. Perhaps you will have the courtesy to answer this time you lazy good-for-nothing pig. PS if a reply has been sent within the past seven days kindly disregard this letter.
Afternoon Postboy. Cheer up its not the end of the world.

Postboy                         It might just as well be. What a pathetic life we lead Mr Bristow. There are so many things I should have seen and done instead of being stuck in a building like this. I’ve never seen the Pyramids, the Acropolis, the Sugarloaf mountain, the Niagara Falls, the Taj Mahal by moonlight..

Bristow                          That’s nothing. I’ve never seen the office clock with the big hand on the twelve and the small hand on the five. Any mail for me

Postboy                         Postcard from Miss Cleave. On holiday in the Austrian Alps.

Bristow                          Having a wonderful time in this fairy tale village. Fleecy clouds dance happily around the snow-capped mountain tops covered in little Christmas trees and everybody’s very friendly. Yesterday I had my bottom pinched by a lonely goatherd.

Postboy                         See what I mean? Everyone is having fun except me. Mr Bristow, I’m looking for fun, games and excitement

Bristow                          So am I. But it’s so long since I had any I doubt if I’d recognise fun games and excitement if I saw them.

Bristow (VO)                 For the rest of the day Jones was strangely quiet.I took advantage of this to put in a solid afternoon’s work.

sfx                                 dials phone

Bristow                          Mary, get me my opposite number at Gun and Fames

Mary                              Say please

Bristow                          Mary we’ve had this before. Don’t mess about, please Mary

Mary                              ‘Please Mary Dear’

Bristow                          strangled desperation Mary I’m in a hurry. Please Mary dear

Mary                              Who do you want?

Bristow                          My opposite number, I’ve already told you.

Mary                              Hold on.

sfx                                 phone noise

Pimply youth                  Gun and Fames, teaboy speaking.

Bristow                          This is the Chester-Perry company. I’d like to speak to someone about an order of ours.

Pimply youth                  Trouble-maker eh? Hold on, I’ll put you through.

sfx                                 Phone beeps

2nd Man                         Hello?

Bristow                          This is Bristow of the …

2nd Man                         Hold on. Aside Turn that down lads normal Hello is anyone there?

Bristow                          This is Bristow of Chester-Perry’s…

2nd Man                         Hang on I can’t hear a thing aside make a little less noise with those tea-cups lads normal Who at Chester-Perry’s?

Bristow                          Aagh. Bristow. B R I S T O W. B for Benjamin, R for Roger I for Ivor, S for Stanley, T for Tommy, O for Oliver, W for William and the question I …

sfx                                 pinging sound

Bristow                          Is there something wrong with this line

2nd Man                         Sorry about that couple of the lads playing ping-pong with a cracked ball aside Cut it out lads normal er Mr Bristow you said? What can I do for you?

Bristow                          Its about an order of ours we placed seven months ago

2nd Man                         No – as long as that?

Bristow                          Yes

2nd Man                         I don’t think it is you know

Bristow                          It certainly is

2nd Man                         Hang on – aside George – what was the date on that paper aeroplane Fred was throwing about the other day? Was it? I’ve got a chap here asking about it. What do you want me to tell him? - He won’t go for that. Right I’ll stall normal  Mr Bistow

Bristow                          Yes

2nd Man                         You’ll have to call back later

Bristow                          But..that’s splutters indignantly

sfx                                 phone disconnects

sfx                                 phone is replaced

Bristow (VO)                 If I had to draw a circle around a moment in time and say ‘this is the most boring moment of my life’ I would draw the circle now, and I would draw another one now and now and now and…

Fudge                            Bristow! Deal with this

Bristow                          Yes Mr Fudge Certainly Mr Fudge Right away Mr Fudge.

Fudge                            Who opened that window?

Bristow                          It was warm in here.

Fudge                            I DON’T WANT THIS WINDOW window shuts OPEN. And keep it closed do you hear? Your behaviour of late leaves a lot to be desired and unless you pull yourself together you’ll find yourself looking for another job, you lazy ignorant bungling

sfx                                 Phone rings

sfx                                 Phone is picked up

Bristow                          Can you ring back – I’m in conference.

sfx                                 Phone replaced

Bristow                          You were saying Mr Fudge?

Fudge                            What’s the matter with you – toothache?

Bristow                          No Mr Fudge

Fudge                            Eyestrain?

Bristow                          No Mr Fudge

sfx                                 Door slams

Bristow                          Toothache and eyestrain indeed. The man’s a fool. I’ve been giving him the same look for seven years and he still doesn’t recognise dumb insolence. There’s no happy medium in this job. He either ignores me or goes beserk. When I’m not on the shelf, I’m on the carpet. Oh Jones, the very man. Order number…

Jones                             Who closed the window?

Bristow                          Fudge did

Jones                             I want it open!

Bristow                          Its down to you – if Fudge asks…

Jones                             If Fudge asks I opened it

Bristow (VO)                 I couldn’t understand it. This was not the yes sir no sir three bags full character I had known all these years. This was a fistfull of dollars fighting man. And for what? For a girl in the office across the street who he didn’t know

sfx                                 link music

Bristow (VO)                 On the Friday things came to a head

sfx                                 footsteps approach. Door opens

Sampson                        Morning Bristow

Bristow                          Well well Sampson of Sales. What are you doing in this neck of the woods?

Sampson                        Come to see the girl haven’t I? Where is she? Stand back Jonesey lets have a look ..WOW how about that that is very tasty indeed yes sirree, oh

sfx                                 door opens

Peach                             Hello Mr Bristow

Bristow                          Good morning Miss Peach what can I do for you

Peach                             er, I, well.

Bristow                          You’ve come to take a look at the girl across the street haven’t you?

Peach                             I want to see the dress, excuse me.

Jones                             Stand back Sampson let the girl have a look.

Peach                             I like the sleeves but the necks’s wrong with that hairstyle..

Sampson                        Don’t be silly she’s gorgeous move over.

Bristow                          This is getting out of hand they’ll be selling tickets soon.

sfx                                 door opens

Dimkins                          Morning Bristow.

Bristow                          Morning Dimkins long time no see.

Dimkins                          I’m not often up this way but this morning I happened to be passing…

Bristow                          the window’s over there.

Dimkins                          Thank you

sfx                                 background sounds of admiration and comment

Bristow (VO)I                The trouble with offices is that news spreads like wildfire. You say something to someone and word is spread around in however long it takes Jones to walk round the building

sfx                                 door opens

Connie                           Oh Hello Mr B

Bristow                          Ah Connie from invoicing. Come in – window.

Connie                           Thank you I’m interested in the hairstyle

Sampson                        Oh, hello Connie

sfx                                 background chatter gets louder

sfx                                 phone rings

Bristow                          Buying department – Bristow. Oh hello Steve you want to come up. Feel free. I warn you there’s quite a little crowd.

Bill                                 Hello Bristow.

Bristow                          Oh hello Bill – window. Sorry its getting a trifle chaotic – see you in a minute.

sfx                                 phone is replaced

Sampson                        Bristow, sorry to trouble you. Can we just move your desk back a bit, give us some more room.

Bristow                          Wait a minute I’m do some work.

Sampson                        You don’t have to move. Dimkins! Get up that end, eh.

Bristow                          gasps, gargles and protests in vain

Dimkins                          Oh keep still Bristow.

sfx                                 door opens

Bristow                          strangled Window!

sfx                                 phone rings

Bristow                          Who is it? Speak up I can't hear you. Who? Still can't – you’ll have to ring back – I said ring back later.

Bristow (VO)                 I don’t know how long this would have gone on for but at its height Fudge’s door opened

Fudge                            WHAT THE DEVIL! BRISTOW, JONES – MY OFFICE AT ONCE!

Bristow (VO)                 I will draw a veil over the scene that followed. Sufficient to say that when I got home that night my head was still ringing. I decided to have an early night. As I was going up the stairs to my room I was joined by my landlady’s husband, Bert Hawkins

Hawkins                         Er Mr Bristow?

Bristow                          Ahh Mr Hawkins

Hawkins                         Mrs Hawkins was telling me you’ve had trouble with your sash cord. Might if I come and take a look

Bristow                          No not at all you're welcome

sfx                                 door opens

Bristow                          Would you like me to explain?

Hawkins                         That won't be necessary Mr B. I know my way around. Yes, these things have a habit of jamming up every now… Whoo. I say Mr Bristow come and have a look at this. Look, the flat across the road, the girl, a cracker. She’s actually just moving in. Bit of all right eh, and I’m a married man. Cooaargh

Bristow (VO)                 I couldn’t believe it. The same girl. Holy mackerel. Now I’m bringing my work home

sfx                                 closing music

Announcer                     Bristow was written by Frank Dickens and featured Michael Williams as Bristow, Rodney Bewes as Jones, Dora Bryan as Mrs Purdy, Jon Glover as Fudge, the station-master, Sampson and Hawkins, Kate Odey as Miss Sunman and Mary, Simon Schatzberger as the Postboy and Dimkins and Carol Starks as Miss Peach, Janet and Mrs Buxton. The music was composed and performed by John Whitehall. The sound recording was by Grahame Harper, the director Neil Cargill