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Out on the Mean Streets |
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The Traffic Warden
Clumping
round the streets with her eye ever open for offenders, the Traffic
Warden 232 is the enemy of Sampson of
Sales, the adversary of Sir Reginald's
chauffeur strip
2463
- and a cause of delight to the clerks watching from the office windows.
A lady whose views on any subject coincide with those of the Department
of Transport (whichever party is in power) and who becomes agitated
at the sight of a vandalised traffic meter (to the point of vandalising
a phone box that doesn't accept her coins).
Bristow, who no longer drives to work, has no reason to fear her. He rather enjoys watching her distribute tickets to anyone rash enough to park on her patch. But when she issues a ticket to Miss Pretty of Kleenaphone his ire is raised and he becomes rather abusive. The warden shrugs it all off - she is used to insults and accepts it as part of the job. Eventually her hard heart is softened by
the local policeman, a man fond of telling Bristow to "move along"
even when he is shuffling into the staff entrance at C-Ps.But the spirt
of Christmas fails to move her in the the way that it should - strip 2713
![]() Bristow often encounters tramps
when he visits the park. Possibly it's always the same tramp, but
their meetings usually starts with the tramp retelling his sad life
story. He will be an old Chester-Perry man, still nostalgic for the
canteen and corridors of the office. He will have fallen from high office.
Perhaps he said something out of line or maybe made the terrible mistake
of falling for a temp. Now he is reduced to walking the streets in search
of newspapers to keep himself warm. He instantly recognises Bristow
as a C-P man by the House Journal, as in strip
2191
- (which Bristow always takes in case the benches are damp). To Bristow
he is the living symbol of the awful fate that awaits him should he
ever be sacked. When the papers are stacked high on the desk and Fudge
is ranting and raving, Bristow need only think of his tattered friend
bedding down for the night beneath copies of the House Journal and he
knows to keep his lip buttoned.
Young Mr. Boggis is one of the uncounted
number of bright schoolkids who gave it all up to join C-Ps and were
badly disillusioned. Rather foolishly he tells Bristow that he wanted
a job where he could use his initiative. Bristow responds with an initative
test of his own - strip
4980
.
Then he runs foul of Bristow on his third day, who catches him inscribing
graffiti in the lift and causes his dismissal. Boggis takes revenge in
two ways - kicking Bristow furiously in the shins (safely covered with
Jones' blotting paper) and then getting a job at Myles
& Rudge in the office across the street and angling his telephone
to dazzle Bristow.
Then he sets up as a disco operator and naturally Elvis Boggis Travellin' Music is booked to play the Sports & Social Club Annual Christmas Dinner & Dance. Wisely he draws his van up to the rear entrance and keeps the engine running. The dance continues as normal so perhaps the C-P masses enjoy Mr. Boggis' choice of popular music. Bristow works there as buying clerk for a few years. We learn this on the day that he runs into young Taylor who used to work with him. Inspired by Bristow's determination to become a brain surgeon, Taylor leaves and builds up a successful ice-cream business. Bristow also meets Bernard Gentle and (separately) Arthur Aspel some years later. Gentle knows Bristow has made it as a brain surgeon "Its only the really successful who can dress down like that". Aspel, another one inspired by Bristow's departure, is working as Santa Claus in a large store. "Drop in any time "says Bristow as he says goodbye "There's always a fire burning in my hearth". Effandee seems to be a business partner
of Chester-Perry's. One day Bristow receives a mystery phone call. The
caller refuses to announce his identity and naturally Bristow spends
a considerable amount of time in trying to guess. The caller turns out
to be one Peter Thirkettle. The call ends in the usual way strip
5347
The Greedy Fella sandwich bar has a tragically
short life. It opens in a blaze of glory near the C-P building and soon
attracts many clerks away from Mr. Gordon
Blue's stodgy cuisine. It even impresses the notoriously difficult
Peterson of Public Relations in strip
3139
. But the pressure of inventing new fillings, preventing the curse of
curly sandwiches and the sheer competition soon tell.
Why the odd name? It must be pure coincidence that the manageress used to work in the Gun & Fames canteen where so much crockery and cutlery, decorated with that firm's initials, was to hand. This is the place to go for exploding cigars, electric handshakes, fake spiders and ink blots and arrows sticking out from the head. Bristow is a regular customer, particularly before any formal occasion or when a temp is expected in the typing pool. There used to be a fair number of these shops but these days people just don't appreciate the joy of a fake plastic fried egg or a cushion that makes a farting noise like they used to. ![]() A regular customer places his usual order (just before the Christmas Dinner & Dance, before you ask) Also, don't ask why Joe appears to be a Frenchman. In 1974 the thrilling menace of the Dreaded
Hulines burst on the scene, breathlessly announced by a panicking Dimkins. in
Strip 4208
The Hulines are the clerical equivalent of the Rockers of the 1960s
or the skinheads that were to come later that decade, a bunch of white-collar
thugs who use their flailing briefcases to wreak havoc in the high street
during their lunch breaks- or so Dimkins claims. Hard evidence suggests
that he is either having a breakdown or is stoned out of his skull.
No trace of the Hulines, dreaded or otherwise was to be found - or so
it appeared.
In July 1999 a rebellious temp (from Tillies) claims to Bristow that she has been asked to join an escape group tunnelling under the canteen and that this group was actually the Dreaded Hulines. How on earth did they infiltrate the Chester-Perry Building? In August 2008, on Frank Dickens website, a new twist emerges as Bristow, curious about the much-frequented broom cupboard on his corridor learns that the Dreaded Hulines are behind its conversion into a private members' club. We are even given a reference from Google to verify the existence of the Hulines. But a dawn raid on the cupboard by the C-P security staff puts paid to their nefarious activities.Thanks to the Times Online Whos Who 2005, we learn that Frank Dickens surname is really Huline-Dickens. Frank was reputed to be quite a wild lad during the 1960s. So it seems that he may himself be the model for the dreaded Hulines. Internet searches throw up at least one book whose author is a Huline-Dickens.
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